


Guilt Breaks, Love Heals

by jberkowsky



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drinking to Cope, Earp Homestead, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, Lesbian Nicole Haught, Nicole Loves The Earps, Nicole feels responsible, Post-Jolene, Protective Wynonna Earp, Sorry Not Sorry, Spiraling, Suicidal Thoughts, Supportive Earp Siblings (Wynonna Earp), Supportive Nicole Haught, Waverly doesn't know how to cope with people leaving, Why Cant I Just Write Something Happy For Once?, Wynonna Earp Secret Santa 2018, Wynonna Is Sad, Wynonna feels guilty, because of Jolene, but they have each other, it's a big mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 19:50:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17168279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jberkowsky/pseuds/jberkowsky
Summary: In the aftermath of Jolene, Wynonna gets trapped into a guilt spiral, Waverly panics about losing her again, and Nicole is left with the responsibility to make sure the Earps don't break each other all over again.





	Guilt Breaks, Love Heals

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! I wrote this because I'm a fool who hates sleep or my own health! Hahaha I'm dying inside! Also because earpwaverly on Tumblr, on top of having a damn fine URL, set up a cool-ass Secret Santa for this year, check them out!

If there was ever one beautiful constant in Wynonna’s life, it was Waverly.

 

For years, it seemed like the only thing that got her out of bed in the morning was the thought that Waverly would be worried, the only reason she drank anything other than beer was because Waverly would notice, the only thing that kept her eating was Waverly’s insistence to put a meal that wasn’t chips or whiskey, (she still drank the whiskey, of course, a concession to actually get her to eat).

 

Waverly, Waverly _Waverly._ Waverley was the reason Wynonna didn’t leave when shit hit the fan in the beginning; because she wouldn’t, not for all the pleading or persuasion the world could offer, and Wynonna couldn’t leave her again. Not twice.

 

And then Jolene came.

 

Jolene, who inserted herself into their lives like she belonged there all along, Jolene who brought out the worst in all of them, Jolene who nearly ripped Waverly away from her, away from Nicole.

 

And no matter how many times she told herself it was _Jolene,_ not her, she couldn’t forget the look on Waverly’s face when she said those things, the little ways Waverly's heart broke.

 

It was _unforgivable_.

It was  _monstrous._

 

So Wynonna, with that famous Earp judgement of hers, slipped from Waverly’s arms in the night, (she watched, as Waverly withered at the loss of heat, before her arms found Nicole's body) and traded Waverly and Nicole’s warm bed for the freezing cold of the barn, with nothing to protect her from the elements but a thin tank-top and a bottle of whiskey.

 

_This is what you deserve, Earp, this is what you’ve always deserved._

 

Maybe it would be better for everyone if she just froze here? Come morning, no more Wynonna, no more Heir, just a frozen corpse in a barn…

 

_Waverly would…_

 

Yeah yeah, Waverly _would this_ , Waverly _would that,_ Waverly was always blind to her flaws, she’d never just _let her go,_ like what was best for her.

 

Without her, Waverly would get out of this shit-pit, move somewhere warm with Nicole where neither of them had to worry about demons or curses or _whatever bullshit this town threw at them next._

 

Without her, Waverly could have a _life;_ a real life, even, not the life she had scraping by here.

 

 _Worthless, alone, murderer..._ the words repeated, spiraled in her mind, too much for the drink to chase away….

 

_Monster, selfish parasite, eating away at Waverly’s life…_

 

_No better than demon..._

 

 

Trapped in her particular brand of hell, Wynonna barely even noticed the sudden warmth that pressed up against her, or the soft voice that dried her tears and lulled her some semblance of peace.

 

 _“She’s worried about you, you know.”_ Wynonna buried her face further in those silk pajamas as Nicole’s soothing voice broke through the static and noise.

 

“She’s really worried, Wy, hell I’d be worried she’ll pace her way through the floor with all her pacing.”

 

Wynonna managed a half-sob, half-laugh at the mental image of Waverly wearing through the floorboards. But the reality came crashing back, that she was causing her more pain just by being there.

 

“She’s better off without me… you’re both better off without me. Just leave me here, Haughstuff, I’m no fucking help to anyone… never have, never will.”

 

She managed one last sip before Nicole swiped her bottle away, leaving her grasping at air, weakly.

“That’s enough of that, you know Jack Daniels never did you any favors,” Nicole said as she took a swig herself.

 

Grimacing for a moment before returning to the task at hand Nicole took Wynonna’s head in her hands, “Wy, look at me, _look at me,”_ she said, forcing her eyes away from _anywhere fucking else_ and towards Nicole’s own face.

 

“I’m not going to let you stay here, so you better listen… Waverly loves you, she’s loved you for as long as she’s been alive… and I love her, which means there is not a chance that I’m gonna be leavin’ you here to freeze, understand?”

 

Why the hell Nicole was even still here eluded her, _she was there,_ she heard all the things Wynonna had said about Waverly, she shouldn’t be trying so hard, there shouldn’t even have been an _attempt_ . “I said those things… I said those things and _I liked it,_ it felt _good!_ Jolene with her _fucking baked good_ fucked with my head, but I _liked_ saying those things! I don’t deserve her, I don’t deserve you, I don’t deserve anything but _THIS!_ ”

 

Nicole only tightened her grip on Wynonna’s skull, forcing her to refrain from falling to the ground like a disconnected marionette.

 

“Wynonna Earp, Wynonna _Freakin’_ Earp, you beautiful _idiot,_ you don’t even know how wrong you are,” she started, pulling Wynonna closer so she’d have no room to wiggle away, “Waverly loves you, more than you want her to; hell, even _I_ love you, even if you can be an idiot some-- no, most of the time.”

“But I need you to know, Waverly needs you in her life, she’s _better off_ with you in her life. You know how she dealt with the last time you left her? She did _Champ_ of all people!” Wynonna allowed herself another laugh at that, but only because Champ was a _fucking moron._ “So it doesn’t matter if you felt good saying it, you _love_ Waverly, you know it, I know it, and most importantly, _Waverly_ knows it. So get your top-shelf ass back in there and calm our girl down.”

 

Wynonna’s only acknowledgement of Nicole was a small nod and a ‘help me up’, both of which Nicole took as a good sign.

 

Out into the snow, Nicole propped up Wynonna’s shivering frame.

 

“So, you really think my ass is top shelf?”

“I already told you I love you, don’t push your luck.”

 

  


Waverly, all in all, was _not_ having the best of nights.

She remembers falling asleep with _two_ girls around her, not one, she specifically counted _two._ Now, one was missing, and Nicole had gone looking, which meant she was down exactly one-hundred percent of the girls she had started with.

 

Which was a huge _freakin’_ problem, pardon her french.

 

No matter what she did to calm herself, the same scenarios came up in her head: _Wynonna was kidnapped, Jolene is back somehow, Wynonna is leaving again, Wynonna went for a midnight bender and didn’t tell her; Wynonna this_ and _Wynonna that,_ the horrible ways Wynonna could be laying in a ditch, eviscerated somewhere haunted her every pacing step.

 

And of course, not ten minutes later (which to her felt like ten _years_ ), Wynonna and Nicole walked through the door with all of their limbs attached.

 

All the _‘where-have-you-been’_ and _‘I was so worried’_ and every other angry tell-off she had planned left her mind as soon as she saw the two of them together, instead opting for wrapping her arms the cold-to-the-touch form of Wynonna, who did the last thing Waverly expected among all her possibilities.

 

Wynonna started to cry.

 

“I’m so sorry, babygirl,” Wynonna said in-between sobs, “I’m _so sorry,_ I shouldn’t… I couldn’t… _I_ _wish…_ ”

 

“ _Shhhshhh,_ it’s okay Wynonna, it’s all going to be okay.” Waverly interrupted, giving no room for any unneeded apologies, “it’s going to be okay, you hear me? It’s going to be okay; I love you, nothing is ever going to change that…”

 

And in that moment, wrapped in Waverly’s arms, she could believe it. Wynonna could believe that for once, she didn’t have to be anywhere but _here_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope y'all like it! Like I said this was a Wynonna Earp Secret Santa, it was for meanderingmads on Tumblr, check them out! I'm jberk-ish on Tumblr I don't post a lot of writing but I do rebloob a lot of Wynonna Earp stuff, so if you want to drop in and say hi feel free to. Not right now though, as I will immedietly go unconscious as soon as I put down my computer. 
> 
> Which is right now. I am so tired. Ciao!


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